Where is Your God Now?
by Of Healing Love
Summary: Itachi's thoughts as he fights Sasuke for the last time. For all that he was praised with Kage-level intelligence, Itachi does not feel intelligent. Nothing has gone to plan; he has failed...and now he has to face that in the twisted form of the little brother who had once loved him, and who he loved until his dying breath and beyond. Character death.


_This is dedicated to my "foolish little brother", who has had a psychotic break and is only a shadow of who he once was. He refused any love and support I give him, as well as anything my family offers him. Today, things escalated to violence. This is the second time in as many days that the police have been called, and the second time he has run away. I hope he gets the help he needs. I don't know if I'll ever get my brother back again, and I ask myself, "Where is your God now?" Hence the title._

 _I think I understand some of Itachi's pain now._

* * *

His foolish little brother…this was not him.

The happy young child he had been before the Massacre was gone forever. That little boy was _dead, dead, dead._ And it was his fault.

Twisted by resentfulness, darkened with anger, broken in his hatred. His beloved younger brother, the one he had sacrificed everything for, loathed him…by necessity, of course, but the pain was worth it.

Where were the Kami now?

If he had to die to bring his brother happiness, he would. And that was the plan—to restore the clan's pride, but deep within his such highly-guarded walls, he knew that it was so that his brother could be happy again. So he could find a semblance of peace after all he had been through.

The loss his brother had endured was such that no one should ever have to go through, and it had been at his own hands. There was no redemption for him, he knew that, but he hoped that his brother could find it.

The path his brother was going down, however, was not something that he had anticipated. So driven by anger and revenge, he had lost his mind along the way. Gone was the little brother he had known, had loved; that person had been replaced by a twisted version of who he could have been, by who he _should_ have been.

Where were the Kami now?

It had never been his intention to twist him into this—he was supposed to grow strong among his friends, his teammates, Konoha. He was supposed to be surrounded by love, not used by a snake for power. But his borther was unpredictable, and he had walked the path of darkness. While that was his own fault, the care for his little brother, that little brother's wellbeing, and the fact that things were not going to plan plunged the kunai in his heart deeper than he had ever thought it could go.

Where were the Kami now?

In the end, death was the only reprieve that he could find. It would be by his little brother's hand, and he would accept it gladly. At least that, of all things, was going the way it was supposed to.

If he believed in any kind of spirituality, he wouldn't believe he would be welcomed by the Kami's loving arms. He would end up somewhere darker, somewhere where only the worst of human beings were sent. He felt he deserved such a fate for all that he had done to his brother, his beloved little brother. The one he had sacrificed everything, _everything_ for.

Where were the Kami now?

His sickness was overwhelming him. He had to be wounded fatally soon, or else he would deprive his little brother of his peace. Perhaps his death would be able to save the little boy who had, once upon a time, wanted his attention so desperately. The little boy who had admired him, loved him.

Now all he wanted was for that little boy to return, to go back to Konoha, to find happiness in the arms of his friends, who still had not given up hope on him.

He hoped fervently, with all that he had, that this singular wish would be granted.

But as he fought his brother, as he fell to his knees and then lay on his back, dying from his wounds and his sickness, he knew that his wish would not be granted.

So in his last moment, he hoped to show his little brother the love he had never been able to show him before.

He poked him on the forehead as he always had, the affectionate gesture the most he could muster in his dying breath. He saw his brother's eyes, cold and hard but dawning alight in comprehension, and took his final breath.

Hopefully his wish would be granted now, but he would find out later that all he had done was…fail.

He had failed.

Where were the Kami now?


End file.
